A theory of mine

It’s been ages since I’ve blogged anything, and I don’t quite know why? It isn’t that there aren’t plenty of subjects that I could write about, it’s just that I find myself lacking motivation and time.

Since my last post, the world has pretty much gone berserk. I mean seriously. Last 12 months include the election farce in the US, consequently followed by a Trump presidency and all the drama, nepotism and blatant corruption that it has brought with it. In Europe, we are struggling with the alt-right’s rise and dealing with devastating tragedies in London, Manchester and anew with the fire in London. My heart goes out to all the families and persons affected by these tragedies.

The Euro-centricity though, makes any other attacks and tragedies drown in the background noise. There was a bomb attack in China, which prompted only a few small headlines. And then of course there is Syria, which is barely mentioned in the news anymore since more important people are dying (pardon the sarcasm).

Syria, the apparently never-ending source of human tragedy. Innocent people are being killed, caught in the bombing as ISIS is being hunted down without much care for the tens of thousands of civilians trapped in the cities being bombed. Children are suffering, and the world has shut its eyes and ears. If the situation in Syria is not clear to you, I recommend watching The White Helmets on Netflix. The voluntary first responders dig out families, kids, dead or alive from the rubble of houses bombed from above. Mind you, only the government and the foreign countries participating in the war have airplanes. The cruelty of so called leaders is mind boggling.

But enough about Syria. Back to Europe, well, kind of, since it’s all intertwined.

I have a theory. It’s about terrorist groups like ISIS and why they do what they do. I mean, ordinary Muslims are just as outraged as anyone else at these idiots killing people in the name of their religion. In my eyes ISIS does not represent Islam any more than the KKK represents Christianity. There are nearly 2 billion Muslims, and for some reason they are being judged by the actions of a few thousand lunatics. No one asked Christians to denounce the actions of Breivik when he attacked in Norway. Catch my drift? No one thought it was because of his faith.

And this brings me back to my theory. Deep down I don’t even consider these terrorists Muslim. All they do is harm the Ummah. They harm the Muslims all over the world. And believe it or not, this is exactly what the terrorist leaders want. They don’t want Muslims to have normal lives, to melt into the population of their location, to fit in. No. Their objective is to make ‘the others’ hate – dislike – discriminate against Muslims. Because if they don’t, then the terrorists will not have anything to base their propaganda on. If you are a part of society, if you feel like you belong, why would you harm your friends, your family? My point exactly, you wouldn’t.

Same goes for the school shooters etc. Often the attackers have a history of being bullied, or socially shunned for whatever reason. And it’s this feeling of not fitting in, not being accepted, that the terrorist leaders want. They want people to feel out of place, so that their propaganda will work. If you are happy with your life, if you feel like you fit in, why would you leave it all for a (fake) promise of something better? The terrorist groups seek out these young men and women, who have little to none grasp of their religion, a lot of frustration against the society they are living in, and with a bleak prospect of a future. These youngsters are then promised things, and ultimately brainwashed, to do whatever the terrorist organization wants, to finally make them feel like they fit in somewhere. Now, if these people knew their religion and not just the out of context taken cropped parts of the Quran, that even the alt-right uses to taint the religion with, they would know that what they are being brainwashed to do is against Islam. If they felt like a part of society and had hopes for a brighter future, there would be no ground for terrorist ideas to grow in. And this doesn’t go just for so called religious terrorists. It goes for all extremism.

So, the division of us vs them plays ultimately into the hands of these terrorist groups.

I can’t be the only one that sees it like this?

Sorry for the overly political and serious post. Next time I’ll try to keep it a bit lighter. But with the state of the world being what it is, who knows.



Ramblings of a fatty

I thought it would be appropriate to start the new year by talking about…. Drum-roll, please… Weight loss. Yes that’s it. You never would have guessed right? Being January and all…

I could be politically correct and just say I’ve gained a few extra kilos during the years, but the truth is I’ve got excess weight about the weight of a person. There you have it. I admit it, I’m fat. Fatter. Fastest.

Now here’s the problem… I tend to have this ostrich kind of tendency of ignoring the problem. I could even say I go as far as living in denial. So far I don’t have weight related problems – bar that most of the clothes in my closet don’t fit. But I’m sure the problems are lurking right behind the corner. I like to think of it as inverted anorexia. Instead of seeing myself fatter than I am, I see myself thinner.

During the years I’ve witnessed a few amazing transformations as few of my colleagues have gone through weight loss surgery. But still I hope that will not be my future. I’m still young, right? 34-ish is not old, is it? I can lose the weight without surgery, right? It is doable isn’t it? I just need to find the motivation/courage to do something about this now, not with busted knees and diabetes later on. My only, well not only but biggest problem is that I don’t honestly believe that I can do it.

Like many times before, I’ve started counting calories, basically I’m talking about writing down what I eat on a site which gives me instant feedback on the quality of the food consumed. First week was great, but come second week and busy schedule which *%$&% all my planning for what I’m going to eat. So where the first week was good in regards to carbs/protein/fat, second week barely manages to keep the calories in control. I need to nib this behavior in the bud. My diet in itself is not that bad, there are a lot of veggies and fruit, but my problem is snacking and not moving enough. Btw. I got a Polar Loop for Xmas, haven’t got the daily activity level full yet.

And I have these irrational fears. What if I lose the weight? Does that mean that I wasn’t good enough as a fatty? I’m probably not explaining myself very well… I’ll use makeup as an example. I don’t use makeup. And I’m perfectly fine with myself without it. Now if I would start to wear makeup would I feel worse without it? Would it become a must? Would people not accept me without it? These are the underlying thoughts that I sabotage myself with every time. I told you it was irrational.

I do not have any rosy ideas of my life becoming amazing when thinner. My life is good as it is. I just want to fit into it easier. I want to find clothes in the normal sized section, I want to be able to stretch without struggling with the mountain of lard in the way. Sorry for that mental image. Here’s a cute kitten to wipe it away.

Too much crap on my mind

How many times have I thought about blogging during the weekend? I don’t know.

Some ideas pass through my mind, but nothing seems to be important enough to put down in writing. Or the things that actually would be important enough to write – would be moodkillers and I’d prefer not to go down that very heavy road.

Home sweet homeSo we’re searching for a new place, mostly because it’d be nice to have something own. The always raising rent might have something to do with it also.

We went to see a few places today. The first one had me shaking my head, I mean people are trying to sell their place – you’d think they would clean before having an open house.

Seriously – the kids said it out loud: it smells bad here. Um. No. Thank you. Next please.

The second place we’ve been to a few weeks ago; but since they also had an open showing today, we decided to pop in again. If I thought it was quite good the first time, today it was amazing. Of course the memory (and smell) of the first apartment that was still fresh (not!) on our minds might have influenced our opinion.

It’s interesting to go see other people’s houses. Some apartments are really nice and you can’t help but think – wow, think to live like this. But then you remember that they’ve probably cleaned and fixed everything to be spick and span for the showing. Anyway, coming home makes me want to clean our place. So if not else, going to showings motivates to clean.

But the seed is planted. Now we’ve got to get the practical things in order, you know financing etc. Then there’s that minor detail of if the seller will accept our offer, if we will make one that is. Either way, I see a whole lot of cleaning in the near future – rummaging through all cabinets, drawers, closets throwing away clothes that a, don’t fit, b, I don’t like anymore. Huge bags of stuff will be going to charity, since this time I refuse to move crap (aka stuff that’s in ok condition – but we don’t use it) from apartment to another. I’m getting a head of myself aren’t I.

There was something else I intended to write but now I can’t remember what it was. Hmh.

Well, I might as well post a snippet of Sunsets ch 42 for you then – Remember that this might still get edited.

The meeting adjourns and everyone stands to leave. Well, everyone except Ros and I. She looks at me with a frown marring her face “What’s the matter Grey?” she asks.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been zoning out half the meeting, scrolling through your phone. And I swear to god, if you tell me that the monthly financial reports are the reason for that goofy smile on your face – I’ll call your shrink and tell him to fix your medication.” She says, leaning back in her chair.

“Damn. I thought I kept my poker face on.”

“Well you need to get a better poker face or you’ll lose the game Grey. What’s up with you anyway? It’s not like you to daydream.”

I sigh as I push my chair back and stand up – walking to the floor to ceiling window. I push my hands in my pockets and I look in the direction of the shelter. I know it can’t be seen from here but it doesn’t matter.

“I’m in love Ros.”